One look and you’ll see the dozens and dozens of unfortunate and malnourished children, all looking weak and fragile, camped at this undesirable forest with bad conditions. In every corner of the forest, a child could be seen; the look of fear and hunger was evident, on each and every single child, while their ribcage was protruding out of their thin skin. With bloated stomachs, these children were reeking of unpleasant smell, as though not bathed for years. Occasionally, cries from these toddlers could be heard echoing through the forest, as they weep in desperation. As I laid my hands on one of these children, I could feel their rough and dry skin, as though touching an uneven rock. Torture it was, for these newborns, who have yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Well written, although I feel more could be done to bring out the sense of pity, maybe personal emotions would do good.
ReplyDeleteAnother tip, you don't have to use all five senses in your article, because if they don't serve to raise the emotions of the reader they are quite irrelevant.